When I left the church almost 20 years ago, I did so because the foundation of my belief went away. I was raised believing the bible was true, inerrant. I had become a part time preacher in a small town church. I felt I needed to study more, so I got a bible with original language in parallel with the translation. And I spent a lot of time digging into the language and history.

It turned out that even the best translations weren't very good. Strike one: god didn't care enough to make sure translators were on point. It also turned out that the bible doesn't say much of what people believe. Strike two: the curch is not even practicing the book because they don't know what it really says. Furthermore, the historical record and analysis shows all sorts of inconsistencies, problematic authorship, and conflicting messages about core tenets. Strike three: the book is not factually inerrant, and is internally inconsistent.

Now, a lot of this could be explained away by "free will" and the "mysterious god" belief, but then if we accept that, we can't accept the instruction manual as accurate, nor the church as authoritative. And if that is the case, all we're left with is a loose structure of belief and behavior, and a heavy dose of interpretation. This means short of an honest revelation, we're all just bushwacking through the weeds of human error.

I was an angry, venomous athiest for a while, but I have reconsidered my position in recent years and find myself more honestly agnostic. There is simply no confidence to be had in any direction, and nobody has come up with a satisfactory, consistent explanation.

Because of that lack of confidence, I have no interest in arguing with people or trying to convert them. I don't think it makes a difference, and there's a slight benefit in religion on mental health and life satisfaction. I can't justify pulling people away from that. So I just live and let live. It is nigh impossible for me to go back, the burden of proof is too high, but I respect your belief, even if I don't share it.